Man am I a crappy blogger...
I'm really sorry for the inconsistency in the bloggage lately guys.
It's been another rough week. I'm extremely medicated right now and I lose the ability to edit myself when I'm in this condition, so I might end up re-reading this post tomorrow and editing it.
Basically, I ended up hitting rock bottom last Thursday. With the 20 or so medications I'm on, it feels like my body and my personality are not under my control. I ended up having an intervention of sorts with my dad and sister because I was contemplating some ideas that weren't healthy, and I wanted to give up; to just disappear. They kept me from doing something very stupid, and very permanent.
You've got to understand: I used to be very physically active, always playing volleyball, rollerblading, running, stuff like that. Now I can't even turn a doorknob without feeling pain. My doctors keep making me go through all these painful procedures and tests, without getting any real answers about what's wrong.
There's only so much one person can take before they start to break. And I broke last Thursday. Most days I don't even have the energy to get out of bed. It's a real struggle just to get myself up to go get something to eat. I can't get in my car and drive myself to the grocery store. I'm having to be completely reliant on those around me. I'm used to being very independent, and this is a big [frustrating] change for me. It feels like these medical problems and all the medications I'm on are slowly turning me into someone I don't like, and I feel helpless to stop that from happening.
I want to take the time to give major shout outs to the people who have been cheering me up and helping me to see the silver lining until I can do it on my own again (if you're not on the list, please bear in mind that my memory sucks right now and I'm loaded to the gills with meds, so I apologize for the error):
-------------------------------------------
Abbie ~ You've been my best friend for as long as my boyfriend has been walking the earth.
You've seriously seen every side of me and haven't run screaming. You've been through all my mood swings, medical problems, and helped me through losing my Mom. This past March when everything suddenly went extremely downhill with my health, your family took me in as one of their own. Abbie, you dropped all your plans and with less than 12 hours notice, got in your car at the ass crack of dawn, and drove up here from two states away to be with me through the hospital stuff. You spent an entire week taking complete care of me when I couldn't do it for myself. You blessed me with the honor of being your maid of honor and getting to stand up next to you at the altar when you married the man who makes you happier than any other man has. You are the least selfish person I know; you let me call at any hour of the night to vent, cry, scream, laugh, whatever I need. And it's awesome beyond words to have a friend like you. 
-------------------------------------------
Gene' ~ You stop by almost daily to make sure I can get out of bed, and make me eat all kinds of disgusting healthy things like I should. You come over and have old-school style sleepovers on my bad nights to take my mind off all the crap going on in my life. You're my nocturnal sister who I can always count on to be awake all hours of the night to talk for hours on the phone (basically until your phone battery dies).
And I love you for that. (But I still maintain that cucumbers and celery are nasty and disgusting.) 
-------------------------------------------
Adam ~ You're the love of my life.
In the 2 years and 7 months that we've been dating, we've dealt with things that most people get to have spread out over the span of 50 years of their relationship... we've each gone through taking eachother to the hospital, dealt with numerous illnesses, mortality, you name it. And we're both still standing. Together. You came along a year to the day of when I was at my lowest after the awful Valentine's Day of 2003. It took me a year and many other experiences to be ready for when you came along, but whoda thunk it would be Valentine's Day of 2004. You've put up with all my mood swings, illnesses, and oddities (my family lovingly fits into this category). You've seen me through my highs and lows, and yet you're still here. I love that we've already planned out most of our wedding even though it isn't official yet. You've made it clear you're in it for the long run and I look forward to the day I get to become your wife. 
-------------------------------------------
Wendy ~ You've known me since I was a baby. You've always been a friend to me, and when Mom died, you stepped in as the maternal influence in my life, while still being a great friend. You've never tried to replace her, but I know I can always rely on you no matter what. I was really happy the day you started calling me your adopted daughter.
I love ya, adopted mom.
-------------------------------------------
Margaret ~ I know we haven't always gotten along, but I really appreciate you letting me move in downstairs and have my kitties here with me. After I hit rock bottom Thursday night, after everyone else had gone upstairs, you came downstairs and gave me a hug. And I really needed that. And the next day when you brought me chocolate cupcakes to cheer me up, I was speechless. I know I don't say it often enough, but thank you.
-------------------------------------------
Dad ~ I'm sorry for how I sometimes act. And I'm sorry for scaring you last Thursday night. That wasn't my intent. We've gone through some rough times, and I appreciate you letting me move back home at the age of 26 since I had to resign from my job for medical reasons. And I appreciate you footing the bill for all of my doctor appointments and procedures while they're trying to figure out what's wrong. But most of all I appreciate the constant support you're giving me through all this stuff.
-------------------------------------------
Joff ~ I love talkin to you on IM. You take my mind off all the crap going on right now, and can always make me laugh. Even though I'm not in Blacksburg, you keep me up to date with everything going on up there. You're a joy to talk to, and a valued friend.
-------------------------------------------
Brett ~ You were one of my first and closest friends down in Wilmington. You're one of the few people who I could sit on the beach with and talk all night until the sun came up. But you're also one of the few people who I can sit with, not talk at all, and have it not feel weird and awkward.
I regret ever leaving UNCW, but that's something that I can't go back and change. Even though we haven't seen eachother since I left 6 years ago, we've managed to maintain a pretty damn good friendship through IM. (I'm really looking forward to that camping trip, btw, but I've got some healing to do first.) 
-------------------------------------------
Gareth, OBXN, Adopted-Sis Tina, and my newfound friend Deanndra ~ I am speechless at the amount of support and understanding you guys have given me through the whole blogging experience. Your comments cheer me up, and even though I've done a lousy job of keeping up with y'alls blogs, you keep me up with your comments. And I thank y'all for that. And I promise to do a better job of keeping up with y'all.
-------------------------------------------
Sarah ~ One of my other closest friends from Wilmington, and another one of the reasons I regret leaving UNCW.
I'm glad after all this time you still care enough to check my blog and keep me in your thoughts and prayers. I appreciate it more than you can know, and it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
-------------------------------------------
Janet (AKA the co-prez) ~ We both suffered through forestry classes together, and soon became friends. You're always a blast to hang out with even though it doesn't happen as often now because of geography, and for some reason whenever I'm gonna be where you are, you're somewhere else or vice-versa. Go fig. I'm sorry we don't get to talk as often as we used to, but I appreciate it whenever we do get to talk, and I've enjoyed your comments on my blog. I'll try and be a better friend by commenting on yours more. Thank you for the support you've given me. If there's ever anything you need, all you have to do is ask.
-------------------------------------------
Apolo ~ Sé que hemos tenido una amistad extraña, pero gracias por hacer que ríe el pasado pocas noches. Realmente lo he necesitado. (Sorry for any errors in the Spanish, I'm a little rusty.)
-------------------------------------------
Chad ~ We've had a friendship that's taken some odd twists and turns. But I've appreciated all the insomniac IHOP trips when you were in Blacksburg, and the late night IM convos and advice. You're a wealth of knowledge, and it doesn't go unnoticed.
-------------------------------------------
In case y'all hadn't noticed by now, I finally figured out how to put smilies in my postings.
This is going to end up being an insanely long post, and I apologize if it takes forever to get through. I just really felt like I needed to get a lot of that out, and I appreciate those of you that read it.
Don't worry, I'ma end the post with a lil humor courtesy of Joff...
"Use a nice bottle of wine to dull the pain, and use the cork to plug the hole they drilled in you."
~ Joff's HILARIOUS suggestion for dealing with the unbearable pain of the hole they drilled in my back to take a bone marrow sample while I was fully conscious. It actually kinda sounds like a good idea if it weren't for all those pesky medications I'm on.
It's about 7 in the mornin, so I guess I'm gonna go try again to get some sleep.
<---- (hopefully this is me soon.)
G'mornin y'all. I hope everyone has a wonderful Wednesday.
It's been another rough week. I'm extremely medicated right now and I lose the ability to edit myself when I'm in this condition, so I might end up re-reading this post tomorrow and editing it.Basically, I ended up hitting rock bottom last Thursday. With the 20 or so medications I'm on, it feels like my body and my personality are not under my control. I ended up having an intervention of sorts with my dad and sister because I was contemplating some ideas that weren't healthy, and I wanted to give up; to just disappear. They kept me from doing something very stupid, and very permanent.
You've got to understand: I used to be very physically active, always playing volleyball, rollerblading, running, stuff like that. Now I can't even turn a doorknob without feeling pain. My doctors keep making me go through all these painful procedures and tests, without getting any real answers about what's wrong.
There's only so much one person can take before they start to break. And I broke last Thursday. Most days I don't even have the energy to get out of bed. It's a real struggle just to get myself up to go get something to eat. I can't get in my car and drive myself to the grocery store. I'm having to be completely reliant on those around me. I'm used to being very independent, and this is a big [frustrating] change for me. It feels like these medical problems and all the medications I'm on are slowly turning me into someone I don't like, and I feel helpless to stop that from happening.
I want to take the time to give major shout outs to the people who have been cheering me up and helping me to see the silver lining until I can do it on my own again (if you're not on the list, please bear in mind that my memory sucks right now and I'm loaded to the gills with meds, so I apologize for the error):
-------------------------------------------
Abbie ~ You've been my best friend for as long as my boyfriend has been walking the earth.
You've seriously seen every side of me and haven't run screaming. You've been through all my mood swings, medical problems, and helped me through losing my Mom. This past March when everything suddenly went extremely downhill with my health, your family took me in as one of their own. Abbie, you dropped all your plans and with less than 12 hours notice, got in your car at the ass crack of dawn, and drove up here from two states away to be with me through the hospital stuff. You spent an entire week taking complete care of me when I couldn't do it for myself. You blessed me with the honor of being your maid of honor and getting to stand up next to you at the altar when you married the man who makes you happier than any other man has. You are the least selfish person I know; you let me call at any hour of the night to vent, cry, scream, laugh, whatever I need. And it's awesome beyond words to have a friend like you. -------------------------------------------
Gene' ~ You stop by almost daily to make sure I can get out of bed, and make me eat all kinds of disgusting healthy things like I should. You come over and have old-school style sleepovers on my bad nights to take my mind off all the crap going on in my life. You're my nocturnal sister who I can always count on to be awake all hours of the night to talk for hours on the phone (basically until your phone battery dies).
And I love you for that. (But I still maintain that cucumbers and celery are nasty and disgusting.) -------------------------------------------
Adam ~ You're the love of my life.
In the 2 years and 7 months that we've been dating, we've dealt with things that most people get to have spread out over the span of 50 years of their relationship... we've each gone through taking eachother to the hospital, dealt with numerous illnesses, mortality, you name it. And we're both still standing. Together. You came along a year to the day of when I was at my lowest after the awful Valentine's Day of 2003. It took me a year and many other experiences to be ready for when you came along, but whoda thunk it would be Valentine's Day of 2004. You've put up with all my mood swings, illnesses, and oddities (my family lovingly fits into this category). You've seen me through my highs and lows, and yet you're still here. I love that we've already planned out most of our wedding even though it isn't official yet. You've made it clear you're in it for the long run and I look forward to the day I get to become your wife. -------------------------------------------
Wendy ~ You've known me since I was a baby. You've always been a friend to me, and when Mom died, you stepped in as the maternal influence in my life, while still being a great friend. You've never tried to replace her, but I know I can always rely on you no matter what. I was really happy the day you started calling me your adopted daughter.
I love ya, adopted mom.-------------------------------------------
Margaret ~ I know we haven't always gotten along, but I really appreciate you letting me move in downstairs and have my kitties here with me. After I hit rock bottom Thursday night, after everyone else had gone upstairs, you came downstairs and gave me a hug. And I really needed that. And the next day when you brought me chocolate cupcakes to cheer me up, I was speechless. I know I don't say it often enough, but thank you.
-------------------------------------------
Dad ~ I'm sorry for how I sometimes act. And I'm sorry for scaring you last Thursday night. That wasn't my intent. We've gone through some rough times, and I appreciate you letting me move back home at the age of 26 since I had to resign from my job for medical reasons. And I appreciate you footing the bill for all of my doctor appointments and procedures while they're trying to figure out what's wrong. But most of all I appreciate the constant support you're giving me through all this stuff.
-------------------------------------------
Joff ~ I love talkin to you on IM. You take my mind off all the crap going on right now, and can always make me laugh. Even though I'm not in Blacksburg, you keep me up to date with everything going on up there. You're a joy to talk to, and a valued friend.
-------------------------------------------
Brett ~ You were one of my first and closest friends down in Wilmington. You're one of the few people who I could sit on the beach with and talk all night until the sun came up. But you're also one of the few people who I can sit with, not talk at all, and have it not feel weird and awkward.
| miss you |
I regret ever leaving UNCW, but that's something that I can't go back and change. Even though we haven't seen eachother since I left 6 years ago, we've managed to maintain a pretty damn good friendship through IM. (I'm really looking forward to that camping trip, btw, but I've got some healing to do first.) -------------------------------------------
Gareth, OBXN, Adopted-Sis Tina, and my newfound friend Deanndra ~ I am speechless at the amount of support and understanding you guys have given me through the whole blogging experience. Your comments cheer me up, and even though I've done a lousy job of keeping up with y'alls blogs, you keep me up with your comments. And I thank y'all for that. And I promise to do a better job of keeping up with y'all.
-------------------------------------------
Sarah ~ One of my other closest friends from Wilmington, and another one of the reasons I regret leaving UNCW.
| missin you |
I'm glad after all this time you still care enough to check my blog and keep me in your thoughts and prayers. I appreciate it more than you can know, and it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.-------------------------------------------
Janet (AKA the co-prez) ~ We both suffered through forestry classes together, and soon became friends. You're always a blast to hang out with even though it doesn't happen as often now because of geography, and for some reason whenever I'm gonna be where you are, you're somewhere else or vice-versa. Go fig. I'm sorry we don't get to talk as often as we used to, but I appreciate it whenever we do get to talk, and I've enjoyed your comments on my blog. I'll try and be a better friend by commenting on yours more. Thank you for the support you've given me. If there's ever anything you need, all you have to do is ask.
-------------------------------------------
Apolo ~ Sé que hemos tenido una amistad extraña, pero gracias por hacer que ríe el pasado pocas noches. Realmente lo he necesitado. (Sorry for any errors in the Spanish, I'm a little rusty.)
-------------------------------------------
Chad ~ We've had a friendship that's taken some odd twists and turns. But I've appreciated all the insomniac IHOP trips when you were in Blacksburg, and the late night IM convos and advice. You're a wealth of knowledge, and it doesn't go unnoticed.
-------------------------------------------
In case y'all hadn't noticed by now, I finally figured out how to put smilies in my postings.
| hee hee |
This is going to end up being an insanely long post, and I apologize if it takes forever to get through. I just really felt like I needed to get a lot of that out, and I appreciate those of you that read it.Don't worry, I'ma end the post with a lil humor courtesy of Joff...
"Use a nice bottle of wine to dull the pain, and use the cork to plug the hole they drilled in you."
~ Joff's HILARIOUS suggestion for dealing with the unbearable pain of the hole they drilled in my back to take a bone marrow sample while I was fully conscious. It actually kinda sounds like a good idea if it weren't for all those pesky medications I'm on.
It's about 7 in the mornin, so I guess I'm gonna go try again to get some sleep.
<---- (hopefully this is me soon.)G'mornin y'all. I hope everyone has a wonderful Wednesday.
posted by lonely palmtree at 6:06 AM
6 Comments:
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
I absolutely LOVE your smilies - they are so cute!!!
Thanks for the shout out and remember to just blog when you can. We all understand that at times you can't post which is cool. Whenever any of us are sick all we want to do too is lie in bed and count the cracks in our ceilings, orrrr is that just me ;)
I have a joke for you that Deanndra sent to me earlier today. You will laugh your head off I'm sure :P ......
Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a week-end gambling trip to Louisiana.
The Brunette team rode on the bottom of the bus, and the Blonde team rode on the top level.
The Brunette team down below really whooped it up, having a great time, when one of them realized she hadn't heard anything from the Blondes upstairs. She decided to go up and investigate.
When the Brunette reached the top, she found all the Blondes frozen in fear, staring straight ahead at the road, clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles.
The brunette asked, "What the heck's going on up here? We're having a great time downstairs!"
One of the Blondes looked up at her, swallowed hard and whispered......."YEAH, BUT YOU'VE GOT A DRIVER!!"
:D
Thanks for the shout out gf! Things will eventually get better. Remember, God never puts more on us than we can bear (even though we feel like we have been hit by a Mac truck :)
Hey AD Daughter - You are the best and don't you ever forget it! I've been crying since I first started reading this entry.. You know the day will come when you will be bouncing that volleyball back across the net so in the future - let me know if you are home alone and I'll come pick you up and take you to Bedford for the weekend!!!! house comes complete with a full set of pets!!!!!!!!! LOL - Thak you for the sincere words on your blog and I'm so very happy there are people around you that care for you also. Rest and have a fantastic weekend with Adam!!!! Love ya Lots!!! AD MOM
I appreciate the e-props. Much love, Nikki.
-Joff
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